Playing Dress Up

So I get a little too excited about dressing up for a 20-year-old.

But, honestly, it is so much fun.

Tbh, I have been planning and working on this year's Halloween costume for at least a month.

And I am so psyched about it.

I've always gone all out for dressing up.

Whether it's Nerd Day at school

Or being Vanellope Von Schweetz for Halloween

Or dressing up all 40's style for Comic Con

I love dressing up.

And I don't know about you, but dressing up as something else really transforms how I feel.

I get to explore a different side of myself.

For Nerd Day, I got to really ham up my nerdy side.

As Vanellope, I was extra sassy and sweet.

And as Captain America's USO girl, I felt glamorous.

When you allow yourself to believe you are one thing, that's how you act.

Sometimes even the smallest changes can have a big effect on how we feel and behave.

So you know what I say?

I say put on that lipstick and be that ultimate confident girl.

I say wear that dramatic long coat and let the wind whip it behind you.

I say slip on those huge sparkly earrings and treat the sidewalk like your red carpet.

I say give yourself extra boosts to help you feel confident.

Dress up.

Go out.

Embrace your nerdy side, or your sassy side, or your glamorous side.

You never know.

Hopefully one day you can feel that way no matter what you're wearing.

Remember This

If you're anything like me, you have notes, reminders, calendar items, and alarms to help you remember all the things you have to. There are deadlines, appointments, events, to-do lists, and countless other things to try and cram in our brains.

To be honest, if it wasn't for all these reminders, I wouldn't remember half of the things I'm supposed to, and I forget lots of things as is!

I don't want to add to the grocery list of things to keep in your mind, but there are a few things I want to make sure you remember.

1) Who you are

I bought this ring in Disneyland, partly because I'm a huge Disney geek and want to feel like a Disney princess in even a small way like this, but mostly I bought it as a reminder for myself: that I am royalty. I'm the daughter of the King of Kings. I have a divine heritage and a divine destiny. I wear this ring to remind myself that, even when I'm in sweatpants or after I just spilled food all down my front or when I'm bawling my eyes out, I am still a daughter of God.

2) What you stand for

Many Mormons wear some form of a "CTR ring." CTR stands for Choose the Right, a little reminder to strive to do the right thing. My family has a wonderful tradition, where once someone graduates from seminary (that scripture-based class I went to at 6 am every day of my high school career), they receive a nice CTR ring. This was the one I chose, and as you can tell from the scrapes and nicks, it has been worn every day since I got it. It's just one more reminder of who I'm trying to be, and what I believe in.

3) The difference you can make

I ordered this bracelet from Etsy right after a session of General Conference that reminded me of what my primary goal in life is in relation to other people: I want every person I come in contact with to know that they are loved. No one is unlovable or beyond the reach of loving arms. And I want to make sure the people around me know that. The problem? Sometimes I'm hesitant with showing my love for people, thanks to that stupid voice in the back of my head saying that people will think I'm weird or whatever. So I gave myself a reminder to not only love, but to love fiercely.
 Loudly.
Boldly.

These are some of my reminders. I wear them, so that I can have them with me all the time, not just when my alarm goes off or when it pops up in my calendar or when I see that sticky note on my door. I wear these, because of all the things I'm trying to remember, these are the ones that matter most.

So, my readers, remember this:

You are divine and lovely by nature.

You have the power to stand for something and make a difference.

You can and should love - others and yourself.

Now is the Start

So, it's not the beginning of the school year anymore, and it's still a few months until New Year's, but today I've decided to raise a toast to a fresh start.

These last six months have felt in a way like a few weeks, but I look back at who I was before all this happened to me, and I'm completely different now. Which isn't a bad thing.

A few doors have been shut in my face, but several others have opened, and I'm excited for what the future will bring. I have that same feeling I got every year in elementary school when I showed up the weekend before school started and set up my desk with all my new delicious-smelling school supplies.

I'm excited for what's ahead.

So what is ahead?

Well, a lot I'm not sure about. But here's what I know:

1) A New Major

I am now officially Pre-English Teaching. After a lot of thought in regards to my back and looking at the requirements for the Dance Major, I realized that every semester was going to carry the risk of turning out just like this one. And I would rather dance less than not dance at all. I'm still teaching dance, and I'll still graduate with a Dance Minor, but I feel really good about this new direction.

2) A New Semester

True, it won't start until January, but I register for classes in a couple of weeks, and there's always something fun about Tetris-ing a schedule together. And with that new semester will come learning new things, meeting new people, and getting a new chance to breathe in the awesome opportunity I have to be attending such a wonderful university.

3) New Goals

Thanks to General Conference earlier this month, I have some new specific personal goals I'm working on. I also have some differences in my long-term goals compared to what they were six months ago. And some of my goals are the exact same. But I'm excited to work on all of them, a little bit at a time, and as always, with help from my God and my Savior.

So, in the middle of October, I say:

Now is the start

Jesus, Can I Have a Hug?

As you know, I've been going through a rough time.

And often I find myself wanting some strong, gentle, loving, protective person (in my mind, a male) to hug me or hold me or wipe away my tears and tell me it's going to be okay and that they love me, even in all the mess that I am right now.

Now, I have an incredibly strong, gentle, loving, protective family that includes a wonderful Dad and three younger-but-bigger brothers, and all of them have given me comfort and reassurance regularly.

But sometimes I want someone just for my own.

Who's there just for me. 

Whose main focus is giving me the strength, comfort, and love that I need.

I used to think what I wanted was a boyfriend or husband.

Now, I definitely still want those, but I've realized something:

I have a man who is strong and wise and gentle,

whose love surpasses any other love,

who knows me exactly and cares more for me than I can even comprehend.

And his arms are always open.

Lately I have been so blessed as to have these opportunities (disguised as trials) to grow closer to my Savior. He is becoming more and more real to me each day.

I can see the urgent and unfathomable love in His eyes.
I can feel the prints of the nails in His hands - physical evidence of how much He loves me.
I can feel His warm arms around me: strong, protective, and gentle.



Though obviously Christ Himself isn't in my room when I'm having a hard day, time and time again as I've cried out to Him, He has answered. I have felt His undying love surround me.

And most of all, I have become so aware of how badly Jesus wants us to ask for Him.

He wants to be the shoulder you cry on.
He wants to be your light in the dark.
He wants to make you feel safe and loved.
He wants you to ask.

So ask.

He will answer.