God's Timing

Okay, so this is something I really struggle with, especially in one certain area. I've always been a hopeless romantic, a devoted watcher of rom-coms, a reader and writer of cute scenes where something happens between two characters and you know they are meant to be. As a result, I am somewhat impatient with relationships, or rather with my lack thereof. 

There will be moments when I get really frustrated, and I ask God what my problem is, why no guys ever seem to like me or want to go on a date with me, especially since my journey over the years has led me to see myself as a daughter of God. If I am so precious in His sight, if He can see all my good qualities, and if I am starting to see them by relying on Him, why does it seem that no one else can? I get lost in the idea of getting swept off of my feet, and I become rather disappointed with reality. Despite the frustration, I know one thing for certain:

God knows a heck of a lot more than I do.

As hard as it is to accept sometimes, I know that if nothing is happening with a guy, then nothing is meant to happen with a guy. I'm going on an eighteen month mission relatively soon, so I'm not really looking for anything serious right now, but beyond the practical reasoning, there's something greater that brings me peace when I feel like nothing is happening the way I want it to, and that is my (I'll admit, slowly accumulated) confidence in God's timing.

God knows what is best for you, and if you let Him, He will make that happen.

I've been a witness to this very thing before. I wanted to sign up for a humanitarian trip to Belize through HEFY, and when I got on mere hours after sign-ups opened, there was only one spot left. I rushed to fill out the application, but as I clicked submit, I was told that the spot had been filled. Devastated, I hurriedly e-mailed and asked to be put on a waiting list, but I knew that the chances of getting into the session in June that I'd wanted, or even into the country I'd wanted, were slim. I was upset that my attempts to be involved in a worthy cause had been frustrated, and I was confused because I'd felt led by the Spirit to this particular humanitarian trip and I felt that it was right. 

But God knew what He was doing, even if I didn't.

A few weeks later, a spot opened up in for the July session of Belize. Although the timing wasn't ideal (haha I actually thought I knew when timing was/was not ideal haha), it was the country I'd felt impressed to go to, so I accepted. Fast forward a few months. My family was going to Utah to visit family, and I was flying to Belize straight from there. We arrived and had a lovely day filled with family. The next morning the unthinkable happened. My sweet Grandpa was hit by a car while riding his bike, and passed away. It was a severe blow to my family, and it was so hard to see my Grandma, Mom, and other family in that much pain. Still is. But through the grief, we counted our blessings and thanked God. My family, who lives over 1,000 miles away, had been there for a full day of celebration and love with him before he passed, even though there was a time when we weren't sure we could make the trip. Even more humbling, I fell to my knees in gratitude when I realized that if I had gotten into the session for HEFY that I had originally wanted, I would have not been there. I would have gotten a call (through our leader's phone, since mine wouldn't work there) telling me my Grandpa had died, and I would have no family around me to mourn with.

If the timing had been up to me and not God, I would have never gotten that last hug, that last smile, that last "I love you."

Even with faith, it's still hard sometimes.

I don't always agree with God's timing or see why it's better right away. There are still some things I don't understand. 

I don't understand why my Grandpa was taken so early and abruptly. I don't understand why something I had great hope for last year crashed and burned, hurting me instead of giving me strength and experience. I don't understand why some things don't work out. 

But I have faith that God knows best, and that one day,

even if that day is months or years away,

the pieces will fall into place.

Have confidence in God' timing, and have patience as you wait for that "someday". Believe in a perfect plan. Remember that God knows more than you do, and be grateful every day for those things in life that seem like setbacks, but could in reality be a launching point toward a much brighter future that you haven't even dreamed of yet.

If you need me, I'll be patiently waiting.

Okay, semi-patiently waiting and praying for more patience.

Still working on it.