The Lie That We All Tell

We don't mean to, and we probably don't even realize we're lying, but there is one thing we say fairly often that is almost always a lie:

"It's no big deal."

We say this or a variant of it after we're thanked for holding the door or bringing dinner, for being a listening ear or accomplishing a task for someone.

We say it because we believe it.

We think that these actions are insignificant, that they're no big deal.

Let me be the first to tell you:

There is no such thing as an insignificant act of service.

Over the last few weeks especially, I've been the recipient of many "small" acts of kindness.

"I'm sorry," "It's going to be okay," "Call me anytime," "I miss you."

These phrases, sent over text or said without too much thought, mean the world.

A hug, a phone call, a picture or video sent to make me smile.

These are the tiny adjustments of a steering wheel

 that can turn a day around.

You never know what someone is going through. Even if you know what they're going through, you still don't know what they're going through. Unless you're a Vulcan, there is no way to literally feel what others are feeling.

Let's say, for example, that someone feels heavy and empty at the same time. That they're tired and it's hard to make themselves do anything at all.

You may not know this, but if you start up a conversation and slip a compliment in there, you could lighten their heavy load. You could fill some of their emptiness. You could brighten and uplift in ways you don't even realize.

I love this quote for two reasons:

1) it says "another struggling soul."

We're all struggling with something. 

We all need a little extra kindness, a little more love.

2) It references the enormous implications a little kindness can have.

A warm hug can remind someone that they are loved.

A funny video can remind someone that there is joy to be found.

A simple compliment can remind someone, even a little, of how wonderful they are.

So keep doing the "small stuff."

Keep doing those things that are "no big deal."

Because, I promise, it makes a difference.

A Wondrous Creation of God

Hopefully, by now you know how passionate I am about helping people see the beauty in their own bodies. Many, if not all, of us struggle at some point with accepting our bodies as they are. We may think we're too short, or that our shape isn't right.

This is simply untrue.

There is no ideal way for a body to look.

I could go on for days about why this is true, but for this post,

 I wanted to focus on what our bodies are capable of.

I use this method of thinking in my Body Confidence Workshops. I try to help people see that their bodies are amazing just as they are because they are capable of doing so much. Your heart beats, your muscles contract and relax, your intestines digest food, your eyes and ears and nose give constant input to your brain. Bodies are incredible.

But what if your body isn't as capable as you'd like it to be?

For a long time, I struggled with accepting the way my body looked. I have, through the grace of God, been able to move past this and love my body just the way it is in the mirror.

But lately I've been struggling to accept other aspects of my body: how it works. 

Or rather, how it sometimes doesn't.

I've always been a go-getter, a fill-my-plate-er, a busy bee.

My whole life has been about trying to fill it as full as possible.

I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing.

But lately I've been forced to take a step back.

Several steps back, in fact.

And I've realized that, right now, I physically cannot do everything I used to do.

And that can be immensely frustrating sometimes.

But I'm also grateful for the chance to slow down, to take care of myself, to show myself a little more love.

Every year before school starts, my dad gives each of the kids a Father's Blessing.

This year, among other things, I was promised that nothing would interfere with my schooling, "except that which is more precious."

God believed that my health was more important than my schooling, and I have to believe that, for now, not being in school is the right call for me.

And as I'm laying in bed, with heat pads and pain meds and a TENS unit (which is my new best friend), I need to remember how precious my body is.

I need to remember that it is still amazing, and perfect in its own way.

Even if there are many things that it is not currently capable of.

Even if those things are things that used to be a piece of cake.

I have to love my body, not just for what it looks like, or what it can do, but for what it is: a wondrous creation of God.

Lemons

So I decided to do a little bonus blog post this week due to the fact that life has given me lots of material to share with y'all lately. I've debated how much of this I really wanted to share, but I've decided that there is too much in my story that can help others to not say something about what I've been going through.

I'm sure we've all heard this phrase before.

Over the last few months, I've been dealing with three pretty persistent lemons:

1) Most likely gall bladder disease, although tests aren't giving any real answers

2) Moderately severe depression, as diagnosed about a month ago when I finally acknowledged that I needed to get help

3) A temperamental back that is still angry at me for slipping two discs back in December

This last one has escalated to the point that I can no longer dance, and even some simple movements are done at risk of causing severe pain.

As a result, I have had to withdraw from all of my classes at BYU this semester, including a performing company I was so thrilled to be a part of.

I share this with you for three reasons:

1) Because emotional/mental disorders are real and impactful

As a society, we're terrible at acknowledging this. We hide away our anxiety, our depression, our other issues that we pretend aren't that big of a deal. We beat ourselves up for being overly emotional or for being weak enough to let certain things affect us. We worry that we are falling short, that we don't measure up because we are struggling with these intense feelings and the physical repercussions

But there is no difference between going to a doctor for persistent pain/nausea and going to a doctor for persistent sadness, feelings of hopelessness, and lack of motivation.

There is something wrong with your body, and it needs to be fixed.

It is not your fault.

You are not weak.

You are not less than you were before just because you can't do what you did before.

No one would look down on someone with a broken leg who can't run as far or as fast as they used to.

This is no different - Your circumstances have changed, and so you must alter your expectations for yourself to match.

If you feel a weight pushing you down day after day,

if you struggle to find a reason to get out of bed,

if you are crying all the time and can't find a way to "snap out of it,"

Then get help.

There is no shame in it.

There is only peace and healing to be found.

2) Because taking a time out is not giving up

Trust me, I know the struggle is real on this one, but I promise that stepping back, putting some things away, and taking time for yourself is a sign of respect and strength.

You are too valuable to neglect.

You are too precious to ignore.

It is such a habit of ours to be busy, as much as we can, all the time. We wear our full schedules like a badge of honor sometimes. It is not a bad thing to be anxiously engaged in good causes. But if your plate is overflowing, there is no way to balance it without having some things slip through your fingers. 

You can't do everything at once.

Take it from someone who is a perpetual "multi-tasker," meaning that I flit from one thing to the next, starting to make my bed and then dashing off to put toast in the toaster and then running back downstairs to pack up my backpack but before I finish I remember that I still have to brush my teeth. The result? A much more frantic, unorganized, and unsuccessful series of attempts than there would be if I simply focused on what I could handle - one thing at a time.

It's okay to need to clear some things out of your life.

It's more than okay to take time for yourself.

Your needs are important, and should not be ignored.

3) Because I'm gonna have enough lemonade to go around

I'm not going to lie - this is hard. This is arguably the toughest time I've ever had.

I don't know why my life is unfolding the way it is, or how it all fits into God's plan for me.

But I know without a doubt that there is a plan and that its Creator only wants what is absolutely best for me. He is shaping me into the woman He needs me to be, and if this is the way to make that happen, then bring it on.

You know how the saying goes.

 All these lemons are going to come to a lot of sweet goodness,

and I'm willing to bet there will be enough to share.

This blog post is just one example of how these trials in my life could potentially help someone else, and if this pain and frustration and difficulty will lead to someone else's smile,

then I would go through it all again in an instant.

Here's to the lemons that make life that much sweeter.

Cheers.

What Do I Do When I Don't Know?

I recently attended the temple with this question in mind, hoping to receive answers while I was there. If you're anything like me, there are a lot of things in your life that you don't understand the purpose of. You don't know why you're going through this particular trial, or why you have to wait for something good that you feel you are ready for, or how everything is going to turn out okay when right now it seems like a whirlwind mess.

Maybe you don't know which major to choose, or why a certain sickness or injury is preventing you from doing what you love, or what really happens to loved ones after they die.

Well here's what I learned while I was at the temple:

What do you do when you don't know?

1) Ask someone who does know

Often there are people around you who have more experience or more knowledge regarding the thing you're struggling to understand. They might not always know for sure, but they can certainly point you in the right direction or give you helpful insight.

If you're like me, you may be hesitant to ask for help, because asking means admitting you don't know, and you don't want to feel foolish for not knowing.

Well, here's the truth:

If you don't ask, you will always not know.
And choosing ignorance over loss of pride is far more foolish than simply asking.

2) Realize you already know

This is a big one. You may not know the precise reason for certain things, or understand certain principles fully, but your can fall back on certain truths that you do know to help you out.

I don't know why I am in constant pain or why after my back gets fixed it immediately falls back into disarray, and I don't know how it's going to get better or how I'm going to continue to dance all semester with it in its current state.

But I do know that Heavenly Father has a plan for me.
I know that He will not give me a trial that I am not able to handle with His help.
I know that all things will work together for my good.

1 Nephi 11:17

And I can rely on those truths I do know to help me get past what I don't.

3) Trust that in time, you will know

"Wherefore, the things of all nations shall be made known;
 yea, all things shall be made known unto the children of men."
2 Nephi 30:16

Maybe you won't know the answer today, or tomorrow, or this week, or this year.
Maybe no one you ask can give you the answer.
Maybe even the Lord is withholding the answer from you - for now.

In the Lord's own timing, He will reveal the purpose for our trials, the meaning behind certain things in your life, the answers to questions that we, as mortals, simply cannot yet comprehend.

You won't know now, but someday you will.
And until that day, simply have faith that there is a reason, and there is an answer,
even if you don't yet know what it is.

Every Body is a Swimsuit Body!

Hello good people!

As you hopefully saw on the Facebook page/event or on the Instagram account, I've been gathering pictures and video clips from people all over to help me celebrate the fact that

Every Body is a Swimsuit Body

And that summer should be focused on fun, adventures, and friendships.
Not the "perfect bikini body."

Since I wore a sweatshirt until noon today, I think it's safe to say that summer is over, but I hope that you can look back at all of the things you did and places you went and feel good about yourself.

Because THAT is what summer is about.