This is The Scariest Thing You'll See This Halloween

It's Halloween, and yes there will be adorable princesses and fun animals and Disney characters, but there will also of course be demons and monsters and zombies and other scary things.

With all of the dark frightening things around lately, I wanted to press an important point:

Your life should not be one of them.

You might not be aware, but there are SO MANY people who face every day as if it was literally a decent into Hades where they face their own personal terrifying demons.

If you are one of these people, please listen to me:

You do not have to feel this way.

If you are not one of these people, please listen to me:

They honestly do feel this way and it is not their fault.

Yes, all those Halloween creatures are scary, and yes I get scared at just about anything (I jumped so hard the other night from my husband just walking into the room that I bruised myself on our refrigerator), but I am dead serious when I say this:

The scariest thing I can possibly imagine is a person stuck in an awful dark place with no clue that there is a way out.

If you are struggling with anxiety, depression, body image, self harm, eating disorders, suicidal thoughts, or anything else please hear these few truths:

1) YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

There are hotlines. There are counselors. There are compassionate friends. There are others who have struggled or are struggling with your same problems. There are family members. There are support groups. There are therapists. There are properly prescribed medications. There are books written by people who have beaten this and who want you to do the same.

And most importantly, there is a Savior who KNOWS you, better than you know yourself, and whose only wish is for you to realize your divine potential and be happy forever. AND He knows exactly how to make that happen for you, if you'll just ask Him and act in faith.

2) THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

If any other organ in your body was severely malfunctioning, you would take whatever steps necessary to fix the problem, right? Well, newsflash: your brain is an organ. That means mental illnesses are the same as appendicitis, IBS, asthma, and any other problem with any other organ. They are real, they are not your fault, and they can be and must be treated properly. Do not beat yourself up for being sick. Do not put yourself down for feeling down. Do not make your dark place darker by loading unnecessary guilt on your shoulders for things you have done or for how you feel. This is not your fault.

3) YOU DO NOT HAVE TO STAY HERE.

Please please please please please do not lock yourself inside your dark hole and assume you deserve to be there or that there is no way out. THERE IS. I PROMISE YOU THERE IS. And it is worth the fight it takes to get out. I cannot tell you enough how loved you are, how badly this world needs you, and how there are unimaginable wonderful joys in your future if you will just believe in them and seek them. It may be fun to get all dark and scary for Halloween, but please do not make the darkness a year-round haunt.

I know this post is a lot more wordy and less cutesy-quotesy than some other ones, but I also think it is one of the most important posts I have ever done, and I ask you to share it so that as many people who feel stuck in their dark scary place can see it as possible. Let's help ourselves and our loved ones see that there is a way out.

These are wordy, but they hit on some of the points I've tried to make and address some of the same beliefs I have regarding those people who feel stuck in their dark places, so I hope you will take the few seconds to read through them:

I know life can be scary and dark and cruel and hard. I know it can seem like your own personal hell sometimes. But please, leave the darkness in the night of October 31st where it belongs. Choose to start today to fight through it. Find that light that exists all around you. Believe that a happy life is completely within your reach. Turn to those people and resources that can help you.

And leave your monsters in Halloween.

Author's Corner - Someone Needs Your Story

This week, I've started working on a couple of books that have been on my mind for a while - books that I hope to sell through Deseret Book for girls and women looking for some advice, some laughter, some friendship, or a pick-me-up.

I'm working on one targeted toward younger girls with a working title of "How to Make Friends, Love Yourself, and Save the World (All Before You Turn 13)" and I'm also working on a book for women called "Hold On, Let Go."

The basis for these books is the same as my blog, really - I'm hoping that my advice and experiences can help others.

And you know what? They can.

And so can yours.

Your story is important. Your experiences happened for a reason.

There is someone somewhere who would benefit so so much from your story.

So why aren't you telling it?

It's time to open the curtains, step up to the microphone, and let the world know what life has thrown you.

And how you threw it right back.

It's time to tell your story.

So start writing.

Suck it Up

This may seem like a different message than I usually share, but I assure you, I am looking out for you and trying to help you out.

I understand there are some times when you need to put yourself first. Sometimes, you are the first priority. Sometimes, you need to simply take care of yourself.

But sometimes, you just need to suck it up.

Stop whining.

Stop lying around.

Stop throwing a pity party.

You are not going to get anywhere that way.

I had yet another of my little breakdowns not too long ago, and to be honest, I was just throwing myself a little "poor me" party. My loving husband, because he knows better than to baby me when I'm being a baby, gently helped remind me that I have no reason to be sucking my thumb and whining about my perfectly fine life (though he said it in much nicer terms).

It's ok to have a bad day or to struggle for a while.

But it is not ok to let that bad day drag out into a bad week just because you refuse to get a grip and get on with life.

See this? This is the right way to handle a bad day etc. Did he lay on the ground and let the problem crush him through to China?

No.

He pushed that problem off and was better off for it.

There is a purpose for bad days.

There is a time and place for crying.

But...

Or in other situations when you need to get a grip.

So quit whining.

Quit saying "Why me?"

Quit lying face down on the couch stuffing chips into your mouth.

Have enough self-respect to stop playing the victim.

Get off your butt,

put away your ego,

and Suck It Up.

Author's Corner - The Comfort Zone

You've all heard "go out of your comfort zone."

But you've probably also heard "write what you know."

So which is it?

Well, maybe it's both.

There are parts of you that are reserved,

but there are other parts of you that are pretty far out there.

Tap into your adventurous side.

Find your inner Wild Thing.

Dust out those corners of your mind that might just be hiding a masterpiece.

I had this idea a good while ago for what I thought was going to be a book.

When I finally got around to acting on it, I decided it would work better as a short story, and I decided to go a bit darker/different than I had originally planned.

I was looking over it today, and I honestly really like it!

It's different, but it's also me.

Without further ado, the first few paragraphs of my short story, "Sawyer and the Reaper."

The first time I saw death was when a coyote slipped through our paddock fence. It was awful. All that beautiful cream wool stained red. I didn’t know blood was so brightly red. And there was the newest lamb, born just a month before, his little legs tangled and his eyes cloudy but empty.

I remember wanting to bury my face in my Daddy’s shirt, but something kept me staring, kept me looking at death. Even though I was six years old, and often reminding Daddy I was too big to be held, he picked me up anyway, knowing somehow that I had to cling to his neck and breathe in his smell of dirt and sweat and flapjacks.

I’m nine now. I’ve seen death a few more times since then, but every time I get that same cold weight in my stomach, like the ice that freezes the gates shut in the winter.

You're Wrong About Family History

Family History.

How often do we hear that term and do a cringe of guilt?

Well I'm here to tell you -

Cut it out.

Stop skirting around it and thinking of it as this huge project full of dusty boxes or miles of indecipherable handwriting.

Family history is so much more than that.

I've recently tried to improve my family history efforts, and just today I found so much information on one of my family lines that trickles out early on FamilySearch.. It is so exciting to connect people, to attach sources, to see their gravestones and realize you finally have an exact death date for Jacob, or Anna's maiden name.

Just today, www.findagrave.com helped me find tons of information on my great-great-great-great grandpa, his children, and his children's spouses.

And it took under an hour.

The more sources, obituaries, gravestones, and records I find, the more these ancestors become real people in my mind - people who share my blood, people whose love is the only reason I exist.

This is about way more than names or green temple icons.

Quote by Linda Hogan

Family is beautiful, full of love, interesting, and connection-building.

Family history is the same thing.

Just look at this beautiful fan chart I made with Family Tree Prints!

I think this chart perfectly shows what that quote was talking about.

Just look at all the tiny names around the edge!!

All of those names are my ancestors, my family, my loved ones.

This is so much more than something to do on Sundays.

It is so much more than something you do out of guilt.

It is so much more than names, dates, and places.

This is what a forever family looks like.

This is what eternal happiness looks like.

That  fan chart is going to be framed on the wall in our living room - a daily reminder of who we owe our life and happiness to, and a daily reminder of what we can do to ensure that we are someday once again a forever family in heaven.

Author's Corner - Skip to the End

When I was growing up, it would drive me crazy when my mom would take books off the shelves or pull them out of shopping bags when we got home and right away skip to the end.

She says she doesn't want to read a book if she won't like the ending, so she reads that first.

While I still have a hard time with this when it comes to reading,

it is a sound technique when it comes to writing.

Do you feel stuck?

Unsure how two scenes should mesh together?

Feel like there's a gaping plot hole in the middle of your story?

Just skip to the end.

Start writing the chapter that will contain your climax.

Write the bittersweet resolution you have had mapped out in your head since before you had all of your characters named.

Heck, even skip to your sequel (I did this for NaNoWriMo last year).

There are no set rules for how you need to create.

So jump around. Go to the spots that will most let your creative mind run free.

Don't keep banging your head against the same wall.

Find a new one ;)

30 Things Marriage Taught Me About Being Single

60 days ago I made this post about what engagement had taught me about marriage. Now, 30 days after I got married to the love of my life, I'm going to tell you 30 things marriage has taught me about being single.

1) You're worth it.

This was a concept that was hard for me to grasp, especially when Kyle and I first were dating or first decided to get married. My perception of myself as a girlfriend, fiance, or wife was that of someone just lucky enough to be there and whose role was trying to make my man happy while being grateful that he wanted to be with me. Now I realize that I deserve so much more than that. I deserve to be cherished, and to feel immense love every day, whether from my man, my parents, my friends, or my Father in Heaven.

Don't you ever think that you don't deserve to be treated like a king or queen.
You are priceless, and you should be around people who make that hard to forget.

2) Make goals and stick to them.

If you don't have a set destination in mind, you sure as heck aren't going to get there.

You don't have to plan your whole life, and it won't be helpful to make 20 goals and try to work on them all at once, but pick one spiritual aspect of your life you want to improve and one physical aspect. Write your goals down and put them somewhere you can see often. Most importantly, follow through!

3) Laugh at yourself.

You're going to do dumb things. You're going to fall down, run into walls, put dish soap in your dishwasher, or break a theatre chair (sorry again for that one, Bowie).

Laugh, or these potentially funny good memories will instead be something that brings you down.

4) Some things just aren't that important.

So maybe your diet today consisted of Cocoa Puffs, Ramen, and five Oreos. Maybe your early morning yoga was actually Na'ma stay in bed. Maybe your outfit is more likely to be in a DI bin than on the cover of Vogue.

That's okay. Sometimes other things are just more important.

5) And some things are always important.

Homework can take the backseat sometimes. Your mental health can't.

Work should be pushed back a bit sometimes. Your family should never be.

There are some priorities that never leave that #1 spot.

6) Learn to love others.

To really love them. To accept them exactly as they are. To look past any perceived flaws or annoyances. To put your own desires on the back burner and turn the focus on others instead.

No matter what your future holds, I can guarantee that you will need to love others.

7) God wants you to succeed.

Even if success to you means actually dragging your butt to class. Or eating only half a carton of ice cream instead of a whole one.

Every success is worth celebrating. Every moment that matters to you matters to God.

8) Satan does not.

Feel like you're not good enough or skilled enough or strong enough to meet that goal?

That's Satan trying to keep you from a good thing.

I hate that guy.

But if you can recognize when it's Satan keeping you from your potential, you can choose to not listen to him.

Remember: God, the all-powerful, all-knowing, loving Father, wants you to succeed.

That means you can.

So don't let Satan tell you otherwise.

9) Every heartbreak has a purpose.

You didn't break up because something went wrong.

He didn't pass away due to accident.

There is a plan, and the Lord's hands are in everything.

I look back at the seemingly lowest parts of  my life, and I am so grateful for them and for what the Lord taught me through them.

If you are being crushed by a heartbreak right now, please know that it has a purpose.

10) Faith is stronger than doubts.

This goes along with deciding not to listen to that guy who doesn't want you to succeed, but it can apply to not only when Satan is whispering in your ear, but when you begin to doubt yourself.

If a problem seems insurmountable, or a dream impossible, turn to your faith.

"For with God nothing shall be impossible" - Luke 1:37

Faith can move mountains.

You can move mountains.

You just need to have faith that you can.

11) Love the little things.

The way the sunset turns the mountains pink.

Those socks you found with chips and guac on them.

The way your friend's nose wrinkles when they laugh.

The feeling of warm soup sliding into your belly on a cold day.

There is always something to love.

12) Treat yourself.

You deserve to be spoiled!

Get yourself some ice cream, buy tickets to the ballet you want to see so badly, take yourself out to dinner, buy a pair of awesome shoes.

13) Always seek God's will.

His plan is always better than yours. As God's servants told us in General Conference today, Heavenly Father's and Jesus' only objective is our eternal happiness.
Why in the world would you give that up in exchange for whatever likeness of that you can manage on your own?

God loves you.
God knows you.
God has a plan for you.

Find it and follow it.

14) Work hard for what you want.

 Every leap of faith is worth it. Every hour put in, every bead of sweat, every sacrifice made is worth it if you are fighting for something you really want.

Sometimes you will achieve what you've worked for.
Sometimes you won't.

But either way, you will never be sorry for working hard for what you want.

15) Never say "I can't."

Unless you add "yet" to the end of it. My older dance students know not to say "I can't," or they end up doing push-ups.

Why limit yourself?
Why give up on something when you haven't even given it your best shot yet?

So much of ability is attitude.
So stop saying "I can't."

16) The Spirit is heard best when you are alone.

Of course I have felt the Spirit with Kyle. We've gone to the temple together, attended church together, prayed together, and studied scriptures together, and felt the Spirit every time.

But there is something special about a moment alone with God.
There have been nights that I haven't been able to sleep, and as my husbands sleeps beside me, I draw out in prayer to God and find personal answers, comfort, and revelation.
Other times it comes when I'm driving, or if I have a couple minutes alone in the studio before my students arrive.

Yes, find people you can feel the Spirit around.
But much more importantly, find out how to feel the Spirit on your own.

17) Take care of yourself.
Yes, this means eat well, exercise, and get sleep.

But it also means accepting yourself, no matter how you change.
It means choosing to see past those messages the world sends you.
It means actively seeking out reasons to love yourself.
It means knowing when to ask for help.
It means putting yourself at the top of your to-do list:

Take care of yourself.
Make yourself a priority.

18) Learn how to cook and clean.

I cannot. emphasize this. enough.

Whether you are living with your parents, roommates, a husband, or on your own,

YOU NEED TO KNOW HOW TO COOK AND CLEAN.

Please.

I lucked out with a husband who not only knows how to cook and clean, but actually enjoys it.
But I have seen enough apartments and dorms that very obviously do not contain people who fit in this category.

So please, for the good of yourself and others,
LEARN HOW TO COOK AND CLEAN.

19) Try new things.

I'd never started a blog before.
I'd never changed my major before.
I'd never gone to California with my boyfriend in a space car before.

Take a leap of faith.
Try something new.
You never know when it will be exactly what you've been looking for.

20) Ask for help.

It's perfectly okay to not have all the answers, or to feel like you can't do it alone.
In fact, you were never sent here with the expectation to have all the answers or do it alone.

You can always ask for help.

Not only are there plenty of loving friends and family around you, but you have innumerable friends and family on the other side of the veil who are ready and willing to come to your aid.

21) Find your strengths and celebrate them.

Maybe you are excellent at cooking.

Maybe you have a skill with a bow and arrow.

Maybe you naturally get along with pets.

Maybe you can rock any baby to sleep.

Maybe you never miss a day of reading your scriptures.

Maybe you have the best story-telling voice.

There are so many physical, mental, and spiritual gifts God has granted us, and it is up to us to find out what those are and develop them.

22) Find your weaknesses and strengthen them.

Do you sometimes look at your life or your habits and see places you could improve?

Congratulations!

You are

A) human, and

B) a human who wants to become better.

Good news is we have a Savior and a Heavenly Father who are more than happy to help us make that happen.

And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them. 

- Ether 12:27

23) Treasure your friendships.

They are so precious, and sometimes time with one another is limited. So regardless of if you live in the same apartment or live thousands of miles away, keep in touch, uplift one another, and always make sure the other feels loved.

If you need to vent, call them.
If they need to cry, comfort them.
If you both need a laugh, look here.

Be there for each other, and don't let anything come in between you.

24) You are beautiful.

This goes along with number 1.
You are beautiful.
You are lovable and wonderful.
You are a wondrous creation of God.

Please do not let anyone tell you differently.
Sing this absurdly loud in your shower if you have to.
Watch this until you truly believe it.

And above all, please remember that the Almighty God who formed you treasures you as one of His most beautiful creations.

25) There is always something to smile about.

Failed a test? Well, at least the sun is shining.

Set off the smoke alarm and have your whole apartment on display as you try to get the smoke out? Well, at least you're wearing matching pajamas.

Forgot to take the chicken out to thaw, fighting a cold, fought with your best friend, and frustrated because the book you wanted at the library was already checked out?
At least you have an Elder Brother who knows exactly how you feel and exactly how to bring you comfort.

26) Say what you mean.

If you know me, you know this can be a particularly difficult challenge for me sometimes.
Although being brave and saying how you feel does pay off.

Not only should you be honest about your feelings, whether they be twitterpations for that guy in your class, frustrations because your friend hasn't called you back, or sadness because your old roommate didn't make you a bridesmaid for her wedding, but you also should make sure you are careful with your words.

For example, you don't really mean that your roommate is a slob who never helps clean the apartment. You mean that you've had a long hard day, and since she'd said she would do the dishes at lunch, you expected to walk in to that small satisfaction of a clean kitchen.
You don't really mean that your sister never listens to you and couldn't care less about you. You mean that you thought she understood that you wanted her to come to your piano recital and felt hurt when she'd forgotten about it.

Be careful with your words.
They should not be kept inside, but they should also be chosen wisely.

27) Everyone has a story.

You honestly cannot know everything there is to know about someone. Even if that person is your daughter, your father, your spouse, or your child.

Everyone has a story, and everyone has chapters you have not seen and parts you do not understand.

Elder W. Craig Zwick said just today that we must widen the tiny lens of our experience and acknowledge that others have had experiences that we have not.

Next time you feel inclined to judge someone, please take a moment to realize you are not God nor Christ, and therefore have no place doing so.

28) Always say thank you.

It is such a small and simple act that means so much.
Just knowing that you are appreciated means so much.

So say thank you to the stranger who held the elevator for you, even when he seemed in a rush.
Say thank you to your mom for always asking how your day was.
Say thank you to your roommate for setting a good example of daily scripture study.
Say thank you to the bus driver for playing uplifting music on the ride.

Say thank you.

29) Be unapologetically you.

You were created exactly as you are for a reason.

Your sass? Yeah, that's supposed to be there.

Your health problems? Part of God's blueprint for you.

Your awkward Goofy-like laugh? One of the beautiful things that make you you.

No one on this earth can do what God sent you here to do,

because no one else was specially made to do that work.

So please, don't try to be someone else.

30) God loves you, more than you can even comprehend.

One of the biggest things I've gained from marriage is a better understanding of what it means to truly love and be loved, to truly have charity for another.

I thought I loved Kyle when we were dating last spring.

I thought I loved him when we decided to get married.

I thought I loved him on our wedding day.

And I did.

But every day, God opens my eyes a little wider, and expands my heart a little more, and I get closer and closer to seeing Kyle as our Father in Heaven sees him, and seeing myself, through Kyle's eyes and actions, the way He sees me.

You cannot understand the glory of God's love for you, but believe me when I say this:

It is immeasurable, unchangeable, and complete.

If you need any proof, look no further than John 3:16:

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