I get married to my love in 30 days (!!!!!) and as preparations really kick into gear, I've been reflecting on how far Kyle and I have come since that night at the opera. In particular, I've been thinking about myself and how much I've learned about marriage just by being engaged. I'm going to
do a parallel post 30 days after being married, so stay tuned for that! ;)
So, without further ado:
1) Marriage is the bomb.
Honestly, I am so flipping excited to be married. Now that I'm going to be a wife, I'm more observant of other married couples - of the way they still hold hands or tease each other, of their obvious love for each other. Marriage rocks.
2) Marriage is so much more than a wedding.
I have a two page week-to-week color coded wedding checklist. The closer we get, the more there is to do and plan and prepare for. Don't get me wrong, I am ecstatic about my dress, the flowers, the catering by Waffle Love, and all that, but what I find myself looking forward to most is Kyle and I just going through life together. So if little details for the wedding go awry, I'm not worried. Because it's a celebration of something much bigger.
3) I am so loved.
In addition to my hubby-to-be's way of always making me feel treasured, I have been completely overwhelmed at the love family and friends have shown me as they have done so much to support me and help with this wedding. I am just floored by all the love going around, and I know I want to keep that open channel of love long after my wedding.
4) Marriage is kind of like a high dive.
You've jumped off a couple times and have been rewarded with a terribly painful belly flop. Now you're climbing up an even taller ladder and facing an even bigger fall. It's a little terrifying.
5) Marriage is going to take some getting used to.
In a lot of ways, getting married is like going from 0 to 60 in as long as it takes to say "I do." All at once, you're saying goodnight instead of goodbye, you have a whole new family to get to know, and stuff you couldn't do before is now what you should be doing. It's going to take a while to figure it out, but I know we will.
6) It is so fun to create a home.
With every dish, pillow, and vase added to our registry, I get more and more pumped about Kyle and I creating our own space. We are going to start our life together there, and it has been so much fun to decide what we want our first home to look like!
7) Love was never meant to be boring.
Oh my gosh it would suck if all Kyle and I had were moments off of romantic movies. Love is so much more than a waltz in a wedding dress or a picnic by moonlight. Love is ugly good morning snapchats and dancing to ridiculous workout videos and just being dumb together.
8) Marriage is like making ten trillion decisions a day.
Okay, that might be an exaggeration, but decisions you didn't even realize you made on a daily individual basis will now be decisions you make together. What should we buy for breakfasts? Can we afford to go out to eat with friends? Should we go to our friend's birthday celebration or our cousin's? Lots of stuff will become a joint effort.
9) Marriage is about focusing on Christ more than each other.
Yes, I fully intend to love and care for Kyle in every way I can and be aware of his needs, but as I've mentioned before, he is not going to be what I am focusing on the absolute most, and I don't want to be what he is focusing on the absolute most. If we are both running as fast as we can towards Christ, our relationship with one another will strengthen automatically.
10) Marriage involves tough love.
I have already warned Kyle on multiple occasions that he will most likely have to forcibly remove me from the bed to make me go to my daily 8 am class in the fall. He has already sent me some "Sweetheart, get your butt out of bed" Snapchats upon my request for motivation, and I know he'll continue to push me in that way, because tough love is a part of marriage.
11) Marriage involves lifestyle changes.
Even little things. For example, Kyle is allergic to peanuts. As I am not, that is something that will now be a part of my life, or rather our life together. Kyle probably isn't used to someone dancing in the living room either, but that is just another example of how our day to day lives will change. :)
12) The best sound in the world is the sound of your love's heartbeat.
There is no place I feel more safe than when my head is on Kyle's chest and I can hear his heartbeat loud and strong.
13) Loving someone includes loving their weaknesses and faults.
It has been so amazing to be in a relationship where this is true. I cry at everything, Kyle actually enjoys running (jk obviously that isn't a fault, just something I consider kind of crazy), but we still love each other 100%. As we've gotten to know each other deeper and deeper, our love has only grown stronger.
14) Love letters will always mean the world.
Handwritten letters sent over one thousand miles or sweet texts sent in an instant - every loving word does, and will always, matter.
15) That add his last name to your first name and giggle about it thing isn't just for fourth graders.
I still get all tickled at the thought of becoming Mrs. Hutchings, and I feel like that excitement is not going to go away once I actually do change my name.
16) Communication is key.
Yeah, remember how we both tried expressing interest indirectly for weeks and weeks while simultaneously trying not to read into anything the other person was doing? Man, stuff like this is why dating is the worst. Now that all of that is over, Kyle and I will have to make sure we keep communicating (we've gotten better now that we got past the 'I like you' stuff). I honestly can (and do) tell him anything and everything, and I know he feels the same about me. We explain our feelings, our struggles, our days, our goals, and more, and I want to keep that openness for our whole marriage.
17) Marriage can be real rocky and rough sometimes.
There will be times when Kyle and I will argue, when we disagree, when we get frustrated with each other. There will be times when one or both of us goes through a terrible trial and we have to try and find our footing when the ground is crumbling underneath us. Marriage isn't always happy and lovey-dovey. Sometimes it's an uphill climb.
18) There is no rule that says you have to grow up once you're married.
And thank heavens for that. I have the best parents ever, and if watching them over the years hasn't taught me the value of keeping a youthful spirit of adventure and sense of humor, then all of the random and wonderful childish things Kyle and I are prone to does.
19) Marriage is about equality.
As hard as it is sometimes to wrap my head around (I mean, Kyle is pretty dang amazing), we are equals. We are valued the same in our Father's eyes, and we will hold equally important roles as husband and wife, father and mother. Equal doesn't mean identical, but it does mean that we are one in purpose, united as we do our best to follow God's will for us.
20) Hold onto that Honeymoon Stage.
I saw this from Humans of New York forever ago and I just loved it. Who says you can't be giggly-bubbly-butterfly in love your whole marriage? Who says bills and kids and health problems have to wash out affection, flirting, and teasing?
21) No one has the key to a perfect marriage.
I have been able to get lots of great advice from tons of people about getting married and being a newlywed, and it has been amazing to see the variety and how many people talked about what they struggled with and what they now see works for them. No one starts marriage knowing how to do it perfectly, or at all for that matter. Everyone has ideas and experiences, but no one can tell you exactly how to run your marriage.
22) Perfection is not what you are looking for.
Speaking of perfection, did you ever make one of those lists of qualities you would want in your future husband or wife? Anyone setting out to find the perfect spouse? Well they exist, but not in the way you think. If you find someone who is willing to work alongside you to make your relationship stronger and more in line with God's will, you have found your perfect match.
23) A large part of marriage is mundane.
You take out the trash, you eat dinner, you go grocery shopping, you make the bed, you clean the house - marriage isn't supposed to be this never-ending wave of lovey dovey stuff or perfect moments. A lot of any relationship is logistics and the basic everyday stuff.
24) Marriage is an adventure.
It may seem contradictory with number 23, but I believe both are true. I've had the amazing opportunity to build a school in Belize, swim with sharks in Hawaii, dance at Broadway Dance Center in New York City, and walk where Christ's disciples did in Ephesus. But none of these adventures even compare to the one I am embarking on in just 30 days.
25) True love is patient.
See the end of Moroni 7 in the Book of Mormon. Love means Facetiming for 10 weeks. Love means being patient with one another's shortcomings. Love means waiting until after marriage to use that God-given gift of procreation.
26) Marriages are meant to succeed.
Whenever someone starts trying to get closer to God and the Celestial Kingdom, Satan jumps in to try and confuse them. He reminds you of all of the things in the world that make marriages fail and tries to convince you that marriage is too hard or you're not ready for it or that your deep love for one another will fade quickly. Ignore that guy. I hate that guy.
27) Love is not cell service.
It doesn't become fickle or half-hearted when distance increases. It doesn't abandon you when you are in a new environment or in a pickle. Love does not have spotty service or drop calls. Love is a landline, a hand-written letter, a face to face conversation.
28) Marriage is one of the hardest things you'll ever do, and one of the easiest.
You will encounter everything from the deaths of loved ones to a raise in your rent to health issues to disagreements about how to raise a child. You will have to overcome your mistakes, and you will have to forgive your spouse. But you will also encounter everything from warm snuggles in cozy socks on cold winter mornings to flipping pancakes on the weekends to holding your brand new baby girl to loving the person whose entire soul is what you want to adore forever. You will get to overcome your mistakes and you will get to grow with your spouse.
29) Wedding rings are so much more than bling.
Yes, they are also used quite frequently during the mandatory "ring check" of every person you find cute at BYU, but it's so much more than a mark of being "taken." Looking at my ring every day (the $9 one we got at Walmart in our pajamas the day after we decided to spend forever together - one of my all time favorite memories) just fills me with this giddiness and pleasant disbelief that I will get to be sealed to the love of my life, the future father of my children, the role model and protector and encourager and supporter that I get to have by my side through all of the good times and the bad times of my life.
Love is an eternal concept. It's not something meant to last for a limited amount of time and then fade away. Marriage is ordained of God. It is not a social construct, but an eternal truth and essential ordinance. Love was never meant to be fleeting, fickle, or fruitless.
Love was meant to last forever.
The countdown continues!
Keep your eye out on October 1st for a 30 days after update!
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