I make you three promises with this post.
1) I will never say anything close to "in my experience..."
2) I will try to be as transparent and frank as possible, but I will NOT be vulgar nor go into unnecessary detail.
3) I will base all of my words on the doctrine of Jesus Christ.
Be aware though, that this is a post about sex, so if you'd rather not read it, or rather not have your son or daughter read it, that's up to you.
Please also note that I am not a medical professional, and all questions and personal situations can and should be taken to your doctor or another medical professional.
The truth is, a LOT of people (particularly Mormons) approach sex virtually clueless.
And that can be terrifying.
I think we've all felt that panic and fear of humiliation that comes with doing something we've never done before. Now imagine you know nothing about this thing. And the person you care the absolute most about is there to witness your first attempt.
This is how a lot of people (Mormon girls especially) feel about first-time sex. And that's something I'm hoping to help with.
So, without further ado,
1) It is a wonderful, God-given gift.
Sex is not bad. Sex is not bad. SEX IS NOT BAD.
I feel like I have to say it a million times, because too many people grow up with so many "don't even think about it" or "it's a sin!" kind of atmospheres, and that's simply not healthy.
Sex is wonderful. It is most definitely not a sin, but rather a way to keep a God-given covenant, that is, if you are using sex within the parameters God has set.
This quote is from one of the best talks in the world by President Boyd K. Packer, and EVERYONE NEEDS TO READ/LISTEN TO IT. I'm serious. Stop reading this blog post right now to bookmark it or watch it and then come back to my list. I'll wait.
2) You need to understand your own body.
I took Anatomy as a requirement for when I was a Dance Major, and I think every single person should be required take it.
This is YOUR body.
God's gift to you.
It's important for your to understand its parts and how they work. It's important to know what a healthy body does and how you can keep it healthy. It's important to love your body and not be ashamed of it.
Here are some educational, academic-based places where you can learn about your body and its functions, as well as the basics of pregnancy.
Female - http://www.innerbody.com/image/repfov.html
Male - http://www.innerbody.com/image/repmov.html
Pregnancy - http://www.innerbody.com/image/repo04.html
3) Yes, it can hurt for a woman's first time.
Women, don't fear though! It's not like you'll be in agony.
Here's an explanation from the National Health Service:
"When a woman has vaginal sex for the first time, it can be a little painful. There may also be a small amount of blood, but this isn't always the case and usually occurs because the hymen has been broken during sexual intercourse.
The hymen is a small piece of thin skin (membrane) that can either partially or totally cover the entrance to the vagina."
The National Health Service also offers suggestions to help with this: go slowly, have plenty of lubrication, and build up to it with foreplay (sexual stimulation - kissing, touching, etc.)
In addition, you can get expanders from your doctor to help prepare you and stretch out the hymen.
4) There are TONS of birth control options.
Most people know about "the pill," but there are lots of other contraceptives out there! And there are multiple versions of the pill too! You can go here for a list of contraception options and descriptions, courtesy of Canyon View Women's Care. Talk with your doctor to find the right one for you! Also be advised that birth control can take a few months to "kick in," so consider this if you are engaged, etc.
5) Sexual relations should only exist between a man and a woman, legally and lawfully wedded.
This is what I believe. This is what God has decreed.
And this is the approach to sex that will result in the most happiness.
6) Communication is key.
You have to be comfortable talking to your future spouse. About anything.
I'm not saying that you should discuss sexual details before you are married, but you should approach the topic of contraception together, and have some basic understandings of expectations.
Further, you should plan on communicating your way through your sexual encounters. Say what feels good and what doesn't. Direct your partner; speak up if you don't like something or if you do.
It will be a much better experience for both of you if you communicate fully.
7) The details of sex are completely personal to you and your spouse.
This means a) you should never discuss anything about your and your spouse's sexual life with anyone, with the exception of medical professionals. And b) whatever you and your spouse decide (as directed by the Spirit) is what is right for you two. There are no set expectations of duration, frequency, or sexual experiences. That is entirely between you, your spouse, and God.
I hope this was helpful and informative.
Please remember to turn to more professional sources for specific questions and concerns, and PLEASE REMEMBER how much God loves you and that sex is part of His beautiful Plan of Happiness.
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