Unguard Your Heart

As I've realized that June is fast approaching and therefore so is the halfway mark of 2016, I've decided to revisit my motto for the year: have faith, have hope. I began to think of how I could apply that in my life right now. And I've realized something about myself and about who I've become in the last few months:

I love people. I really do.

It is not hard for me to find something to love about someone, to see the good qualities in them, to feel a brightness inside of me at the sight of someone else's smile.

I'm good at showing that love to people.

I try to smile at everyone, start a chat with the girl who's standing alone in the corner, make people laugh when I see their shoulders slumping, offer a hand where I see a need, etc. I want people to leave an interaction with me feeling better than they were before, more aware of how lovable and wonderful they truly are.

I'm not so good at letting others love me.

While any night of the week someone I've known for years or just met on Tuesday could call me in tears and I will be there in an instant to listen to their problems and offer any consolation, advice, and hugs I have to give, it is very difficult and improbable that I will pick up the phone to make a similar call. I am perfectly willing to, and indeed long to, be as intimately involved in another's problems as is necessary for me to help them. I will open up my heart and let it love someone enough to lift them, but I will also keep it guarded enough so as to not let too much of myself leak out.

I do try and share experiences that I've had, both good and bad, in order to help connect with or lift others. Heck, on this very blog I've talked about going after a dream that didn't come true, things I've gone through that have changed my perspective, and even shared a bit about the lowest I've ever felt.

But when I share, I often do so with the true depth of how I feel locked away inside.

There is something embedded in me that seems to not allow me to show others how deep my feelings really go. Whether I spend weeks or months in denial of liking a certain boy, keep my mouth shut about how devastating a rejection from an audition really is, or simply grin and say "I'm good!" when asked how I am, when in reality I'm on the brink of tears, I always keep part of my heart guarded. This goes back to my tendency to keep my feelings bottled up, and also I think has increased as a result of heartbreaks and difficult emotional trials that I've experienced. I have my heart, at least mostly, on lockdown.

So I have a challenge for myself, and for you as well:

Unguard your heart.

Let yourself feel. Let others know how you feel.

 Tell your parents what they really mean to you. Speak up when you need help with a project. Allow yourself to fall in love, to get attached, to make a new best friend, to find a new mentor or role model.

The world is too full of amazing hearts that are compatible with yours to keep yours locked away.

I'm not saying that your shouldn't protect yourself from those who would do you harm. Don't give your whole heart away to someone who doesn't deserve it, to someone who hurts you in any way. 

But allow your heart to open up a bit more. Dig a little deeper and let those emotions out, not just the surface ones. Let people see who you are.

You never know. Maybe someone else has been keeping their heart locked down because they didn't believe a heart like yours existed.