I Think I Know What Love Is

That ever-evasive, desirable-above-all, fantastical, un-understandable thing.

For years, my definition of love has changed and shaped and shifted, with different ideas and pictures of what love is.

When I was a little girl, I thought love was when a prince met a princess and he swept her off her feet and they rode away in a carriage with the words "And they lived Happily Ever After" floating in script above them.

I wanted a poufy dress.

I wanted a prince who would spin me around a ballroom.

I wanted magic.

I wanted instantaneous true love.

Then I got a bit older, and my idea of love shifted, as did the examples I was presented with and bought into.

I thought love was when he would die for you, when you got caught up in the heat of the moment, when nothing else in the entire world mattered but each other.

I wanted to be protected.

I wanted something passionate, something intense.

I wanted ultimate dedication.

I wanted soulmates.

Then I got a bit older, and my idea of love changed again.

I thought love was when you meet someone and they fill in your cracks, solder up your broken pieces, and hold you together to make you whole again.

I wanted someone to fix me.

I wanted everything to fall into place.

I wanted to be taken care of.

I wanted someone to make me whole.

Then I began my addiction to Pinterest, and my idea of love changed again.

I wanted warm summer nights with bonfires and secrets shared under the stars and splashing in the ocean that we drove to overnight and spinning me around in a field of wildflowers.

I wanted to feel wild and free and young.

I wanted to live inside of a whimsical love song.

I wanted a love worth telling stories about.

I wanted a whisk-me-away romance.

Now I've gotten older, and my perspective has changed again.

And now, I think I've finally got it figured out.

Yes, I still want to feel like a princess sometimes.

Yes, I want to feel protected.

 Yes, I want someone who can help fix the bad days.

Yes, I want adventure.

But I can rock sweats better than Cinderella ever could.

I can stand up for myself and hold my own ground.

I am whole all by myself.

And I can have an adventure in my own living room.

I don't want a prince.

Or a vampire.

Or a therapist.

Or a tumblr photo.

I want someone who I can fall asleep on after a long and tired day.

I want someone who is my friend first and my lover second.

I want someone I can discuss things I don't understand with, who will just sit and think with me when there isn't an answer to be found.

I want someone who will bake cookies and make a mess of the kitchen and the cookies come out terrible and we just laugh and say it's a memory.

I want someone who I can look at at 3am when the baby won't stop crying and has spat up on both of us twice already and we just exchange this exasperated smile like "we signed up for this, and gosh dang it, we're going to make it through."

I want someone who I can rock on a porch with when I'm old and my bones creak and ache and even though both of our bodies are worn and hurting, I still make him dinner and he still brings me flowers.

I want something sweet.

I want something practical.

I want something holy.

I want something real.

So what is love?

Love is that peace you feel when you look at him or her.

Love is the smile that comes to your face when you think about the times you've spent together.

Love is still saying "I love you," when you're angry at one another.

Love is when you pray for him or her every night.

Love is hands clasped tightly.

Love is crying together.

Love is good morning kisses.

Love is sacrifice.

Love is acceptance.

Love is friendship.

Love is going through life hand in hand, one step at a time.